Gracie Allen

"If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail, and everyone looks like a problem to hit with it."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy silence from people who were making you unhappy."

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do, or to get paid a lot of money."

"If you want to make someone happy, listen to them. If you want to make them very happy, stop talking."

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious."

"I never let my schooling interfere with my education, which explains why I'm so successful."

"Time flies, but it doesn't fly away. It just sits there waiting for you to waste it."

"The hardest thing about growing up is realizing your parents weren't always right, but usually were."

"If you're not failing, you're not trying. If you're failing a lot, you're probably just clumsy."

"A woman's place is in the home, unless she wants to be somewhere else—then it's wherever she says it is."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. The worst time is when you're hungry and it's not food."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them laugh."

"The problem with being on television is that people see you without your makeup, and you see yourself without your dignity."

"You know you're in love when you stop comparing the other person to your mother."

"Common sense is like deodorant—the people who need it most are the least likely to use it."

"There's nothing wrong with being single—it's being alone that gets to you."

"The secret of success is knowing who to blame for your failures."

"If you want to make enemies, try to change something. If you want to make friends, try to change yourself."

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. Knowledge is limited to what we already know, but imagination can imagine what we don't."

"Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up."

"A penny saved is a penny earned, unless you drop it and it rolls into a storm drain."

"The only thing constant in life is change, and taxes, and the feeling that you're not doing enough."

"If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made of."

"In marriage, it's important that you argue and reconcile. If you never argue, you never reconcile, and you never make up, which is the best part."

"Courage is not the absence of fear. It's being terrified but saddling up anyway."

"The worst thing that can happen to you is success when you're not ready for it."

"I've always believed that the best way to stay young is to hang around people older than yourself."

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a terrible warning."

"A woman is as young as she feels and as old as she looks. Don't believe either of these."

"The truth is, I like being married. I'm very happy as a wife."