Hannibal Buress

"The key to happiness is not caring what people think, except for me—care what I think."

"Work is what you do to avoid thinking about your actual life."

"Change is inevitable, so you might as well be confused about it."

"Family is the people who have to love you, which is honestly the saddest thing ever."

"I've learned that patience is just another word for 'doing nothing yet.'"

"Truth is usually more awkward than lying, so I prefer lying."

"Dreams are what happen when your brain stops working properly."

"Courage is being scared but doing it anyway, which sounds exhausting."

"Music is the best way to ignore people talking to you."

"Education is just life's way of making you feel stupid for longer."

"Knowledge is power, but so is ignorance if you're confident enough."

"Time moves slower when you're uncomfortable and faster when you're happy, which is unfair."

"Love is when you stop trying to impress someone and they still like you."

"Hope is just optimism wearing a nice outfit."

"Peace is what you feel right before everything goes wrong."

"Nature would be beautiful if it didn't have so many bugs."

"Art is whatever makes you feel something, usually discomfort."

"Science explains why you're awkward, but doesn't fix it."

"Beauty is temporary, but embarrassment is forever."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can rent it for a while."

"Health is wealth, unless you're poor, then you're just poor and tired."

"Adventure is just tourism with lower standards."

"Imagination is what you use when reality disappoints you."

"Technology is ruining human connection, which is perfect because I hate people anyway."

"History repeats itself because nobody was paying attention the first time."

"Philosophy is asking questions you'll never answer, which is either deep or a waste of time."

"Literature is just long texts from people you'll never meet."

"Politics is theater for people who think it matters."

"Motivation is temporary, but laziness is a lifestyle."

"Inspiration usually happens when you're supposed to be doing something else."