Jack Benny

"The only limit is the one you place on yourself."

"I would rather die doing what I love than live doing what I hate."

"The greatest adventure in life is discovering who you really are."

"I've been told I'm a perfectionist. I say I'm just not lazy."

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."

"A self-made man? Yes, just like a father loves his son."

"The secret of my success is that I bit off more than I could chew and chewed as fast as I could."

"I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age."

"If I had to live my life over again, I'd live it over a delicatessen."

"Laughter is the best medicine, unless you're lactose intolerant."

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping."

"The most important thing in life is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it all made."

"I'm no different from anybody else. I just happen to be a little more talented."

"Age is mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

"Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke."

"A man's home is his castle, unless the queen is visiting."

"I love my wife dearly, which is why I stay away from her as much as possible."

"Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get."

"The key to life is learning to accept the inevitable and laugh at it."

"I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better, but poor is easier to get."

"My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger."

"The trouble with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."

"I never wanted to be a star, I just wanted to be noticed."

"Charity begins at home, and it usually stays there."

"The secret to staying young is to surround yourself with older people."

"Being in love is like being in a warm bath. Eventually, you wrinkle up and the water gets cold."

"I'd rather be a has-been than a never-was."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you the leisure to pursue it."

"The problem with the youth of today is that they don't have the same respect for themselves that we did when I was young."

"I don't care who wins as long as it's me."