Jerry Gergich

"You know what my philosophy is? Don't think about it."

"I want to be remembered as a man who loved food and disappointing people."

"Success is when you can sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. And the donuts."

"Time moves too slow when you're waiting for something good and too fast when you're waiting for something bad."

"The truth is, I'm not very good at being a human."

"I believe in second chances. And third chances. Basically infinite chances."

"Love is finding someone who makes you smile even when you're crying. Or finding a good burger."

"Hope is a funny thing. It usually leads to disappointment."

"I think the best way to live is to not live very intensely."

"Work is what you do so you can afford to eat. Everything else is just extra."

"I don't believe in exercise. I believe in eating."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy bacon, which is basically the same thing."

"I've learned that you can't control what other people think of you, but you can control what you eat."

"Perseverance is great, but giving up is sometimes easier."

"I try to live by the principle of minimum effort."

"The key to happiness is low expectations and high calorie intake."

"I don't really understand leadership, but I'm pretty sure it involves a lot of talking."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And also in a perfectly grilled steak."

"I think imagination is overrated. Reality is fine if you're not paying attention to it."

"Technology is great until it stops working. Then it's terrible."

"I'm not the smartest person in the room, but I'm definitely the most confused."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have and don't want to have."

"Kindness is nice, but a sandwich is nicer."

"I think strength comes from within. Or from a good night's sleep."

"Adventure is going somewhere new. But I prefer staying home."

"I don't really think about justice much. I think about lunch mostly."

"The scariest thing in the world is change. Well, and spiders."

"I believe in family. Especially if they're bringing food."

"Dreams are good. Sleep is better."

"I'm not really a 'peace' guy. I'm more of a 'leave me alone' guy."