Joan Rivers

"The thing is, with comedy, the better you do it, the better you do it."

"I have been doing my job very well for a very long time."

"I want to live until I die. Not just exist."

"Buy your own flowers."

"I speak my mind. That's always been my style."

"I have always believed that women should work."

"Except for my parents, I never smoked anyone up who wasn't a friend."

"I can't meet with you, I'm not in your zip code."

"Walk 5 miles every day and you'll live longer. It worked for my dog."

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it."

"I have friends that I've known for a long, long time."

"Talent alone won't make you a success."

"I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. You get better."

"Everything is lawful if it is funny."

"I have no regrets. Life is too short to regret anything."

"If you're going to do something, do it all the way."

"You can't rely on your talent alone."

"I'm the only woman who can say she's had a long career and still look like this."

"Never be boring. That's the cardinal sin."

"The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you."

"Doctors are always working to preserve our lives and nurses are the soul of healthcare."

"I love my computer because all my friends live in it."

"I'm not going to retire. People who retire start dying."

"You know what's great? If you can make a joke and the joke doesn't hurt anybody, you can laugh."

"I'm just very happy. I have been very happy my whole life."

"I have been screwed more times than the Ritz Hotel."

"I have always wanted to be liked."

"Don't rely on men to figure out how to love you right."

"I believe in working hard and doing things the right way."

"The thing is, I'm interested in what people think."