Lily Tomlin

"The road to success is always under construction."

"If we women are to live lives which are at all in conformity with our actual capabilities, if we are to achieve such independence and strength as shall make us real partners in the work of civilization, we must adjust our education to these facts."

"I have always felt that laughter in the face of reality is probably the finest sound there is."

"Virtual reality is a tough place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there."

"I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, what's telling me that?"

"Gratitude is when memory is stored in the heart rather than in the mind."

"The pursuit of happiness is American, but the pursuit of love is universal."

"When you look back on your life, the moments that stand out are usually the unplanned ones."

"I think for a living, and it's wearing me out."

"Progress was all right. Only it went on a little too long."

"Watermelon—it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."

"I'm still a feminist. I believe that one day it will be possible to live as a feminist without it being a personal burden."

"One of the secrets of growing old gracefully is to make peace with your past."

"The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow."

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Not because the dog can't learn—they just don't want to."

"Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator."

"I wanted to be somebody and inspire people. I just didn't think it would take this long."

"The most common form of despair is not being who you wish to be."

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see."

"I believe that almost all human conflict comes from people taking themselves too seriously."

"There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic."

"When you cease to dream you cease to live."

"Patience is when you're angry but you count to ten—strength is when you count to ten and don't hit them anyway."

"The big secret in life is there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you're willing to work."

"Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

"We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation."

"I have a watch that tells me how many calories I burned. Unfortunately, it also tells me how many I consumed, and the second number is always bigger."

"Why do we think of great female athletes as women athletes instead of just athletes?"

"Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the future instead of learning being what they do to get a job."

"Somebody said me not having a retirement plan was irresponsible. I said, no, irresponsible would be telling my kids I won't help them buy a house."