Lucille Bluth

"I don't even know what a queef is, but it sounds very unpleasant."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"Maybe you're right. You're probably right. But I'm not admitting it."

"I would never say anything to offend you. But if I did, I'd mean it."

"You're no longer my son. Actually, you never were."

"Smoking is one of the few things that still gives me pleasure."

"I'm not heartless, I'm just efficient."

"There's always money in the banana stand."

"These pretzels are making me thirsty."

"I need my stories."

"I'm not sad, I'm just realistic."

"That's what I get for being considerate."

"I haven't seen a chicken this angry since the time your brother tried one."

"The key to a great party is a clear exit strategy."

"I love the smell of my own scent in the morning."

"You're about as useful as a screen door on a submarine."

"I'm not being rude, I'm being honest."

"Some people just deserve to be on a list."

"I don't suffer fools gladly. Or at all."

"The company hires people to be a third party at these parties."

"I'm still getting my gin and tonic."

"You're a moron."

"That's not a lie. It's a strategic misrepresentation."

"I've buried three husbands. You think you're going to leave me?"

"You need to be prepared for anything in this world."

"I don't know what you're talking about and I don't want to know."

"The most important thing is power. Everything else is secondary."

"I never comment on the private lives of anyone. Except yours."

"That's what separates the winners from the losers."

"I'd much rather hear you make empty promises than do them and disappoint me."