Lucille Bluth

"I would leave this family, but the paperwork is too extensive."

"You're all just variations of the same disappointment."

"I'm going to close my eyes and pretend this conversation never happened."

"The greatest gift you could give me is permanent silence."

"I've seen more intelligent life in a petri dish."

"You're all just noise until you leave."

"I don't believe in second chances. Or first chances, for that matter."

"The only thing you've taught me is patience. And not in a good way."

"I'm going to need a very strong drink and a very long silence."

"I'm rich."

"As much as I love the idea of being needed, I don't actually need anyone."

"It's one banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars?"

"I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it."

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age."

"Buster, take a letter. 'Dear Mother...'"

"I'll have the alcohol."

"You're my third least favorite child."

"I'm going to die."

"There's always money in the banana stand."

"No touching!"

"I have nothing to say to you."

"They don't allow you to have bees in here."

"I've made a huge mistake."

"That's what I appreciate about these young people - they have no idea what they're doing."

"I'm afraid I prematurely shot my wad."

"The only thing I learned in that prison... is how to be a better criminal."

"I did not know that."

"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris?"

"I'm a big fan of the penis."

"I don't want your pity!"