Lucille Bluth

"The greatest tragedy is that you're all my children."

"I don't want to hear it. In fact, I'm closing my ears right now."

"You're all so disappointing. I almost admire it."

"I should have taken that offer to become a nun."

"George, you're like a six-year-old. But worse at being one."

"I've seen worse and I'll likely see worse again. It's called having children."

"I need to lie down. Forever would be ideal."

"You're all living in a fantasy world. I'm living in reality, and it's depressing."

"I would leave, but I have nowhere better to be. Isn't that sad."

"You think you're smart, but you're just noisy."

"The only thing I've learned from all of this is that I should have had fewer children."

"I don't have the energy to be disappointed anymore. I'm just numb."

"You're all so mediocre that I can't even muster the effort to hate you."

"I need a martini and then I need to never see any of you again."

"You're lucky I'm too old to physically fight you."

"I've lived longer than any of you will ever live, and all I have to show for it is regret."

"You're all mistakes. But you're my mistakes."

"I would apologize, but I'm not sorry. And I don't know how."

"Get away from me before I say something that can't be unsaid. Actually, that's never stopped me."

"The real problem with all of you is that you're alive."

"I'm too tired to care anymore. Which is wonderful."

"You're all so pathetic that you've actually made me feel better about myself."

"I don't understand why you're still talking. I stopped listening ten minutes ago."

"You're like a bad rash that won't go away. Except worse because you talk."

"I have nothing left to say to any of you. And that's a mercy."

"You're all so forgettable that I immediately forget you when you leave."

"I need to get out of here before I do something I won't regret. I regret everything anyway."

"The only thing worse than being your mother is having to be conscious while I am."

"I've made peace with being surrounded by idiots. Mainly through alcohol."

"You're all so dull that I need a nap even though I just woke up."