Mark Twain

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."

"The lack of money is the root of all evil."

"Cauliflower is cabbage with a college education."

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

"The secret to getting ahead is getting started."

"I was born not knowing and have had only a little time to change that here and there."

"The chief cause of problems is solutions."

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

"Principles have no real force except when one is well fed."

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes."

"I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time."

"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that very existence is an act of rebellion."

"The secret to a long life is to make mistakes at a slower rate."

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

"The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair."

"The lack of money is the root of all evil."

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions."

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it."

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

"Frankly, I don't see how a man can write unless he's willing to commit social suicide."

"I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it."

"Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved."

"The lack of money is the root of all evil."

"I make it a point to never drink water when I can get wine instead."

"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

"The secret of getting ahead is getting started."