Master Shake

"Change is bad. Everything should stay the way I like it."

"Education is a waste of time when you're already perfect."

"I know everything I need to know, and that's the problem with everyone else."

"Time is something that happens to other people."

"The truth is whatever sounds good when I say it."

"Freedom means I get to do whatever I want, whenever I want."

"Peace is just what you get when everybody agrees with you."

"Nature? That's outside. I don't go outside."

"Art is whatever I say is art, and right now I say this is art."

"Science is just a bunch of guys in white coats guessing."

"Music should be loud enough that you can't think."

"Faith is for people who need something to believe in. I believe in me."

"A real leader doesn't follow rules - he makes them up as he goes."

"Work is what you do when you can't convince someone else to do it."

"I dream about being rich and famous and not having to do anything."

"The best jokes are the ones where nobody knows what I'm talking about."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm beautiful to me."

"Death? I'm not worried about it. I'll figure it out when I get there."

"If you keep doing the same thing, eventually it'll work. Probably."

"I'm grateful for everything I've stolen and gotten away with."

"Creativity is just doing stuff that sounds crazy until it works."

"Justice is when I win and everybody else loses."

"Patience is for people waiting in line. I jump the line."

"Kindness is wasted on people who don't deserve it, so I don't bother."

"Strength is knowing you're stronger than everybody around you."

"Fear is just weakness leaving the body, or something like that."

"Power is the ability to make other people do stuff for you."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys things that look like happiness."

"Health is overrated. I've been doing this for years and I'm fine."

"Adventure is when stuff happens that you weren't expecting."