Master Shake

"Imagination is just reality with better special effects."

"Technology is great when it does what I want it to do."

"History is just stuff that happened before I was paying attention."

"Philosophy is what you talk about when you don't have anything real to say."

"Literature is words on a page. I prefer pictures."

"Politics is where people lie for a living, and I respect that hustle."

"War is just a disagreement with violence, and violence is my favorite part."

"Motivation? I'm motivated by whatever benefits me right now."

"Inspiration comes from looking at what other people have and wanting it."

"Relationships are simple: you want something from them, or they go away."

"Solitude is great because nobody can tell me I'm wrong when I'm alone."

"If everybody would just listen to me, everything would be perfect."

"I don't make mistakes. Mistakes make themselves around me."

"The best defense is convincing everybody else they started it."

"Life is what happens when you're not paying bills."

"Love makes you do stupid things. I do stupid things anyway, so I'm winning."

"The road to success is paved with people you've tricked."

"Friendship is when someone agrees with you even though you're wrong."

"Family will drive you crazy, which is why I keep mine at a distance."

"Hope springs eternal, but so does disappointment, so why bother."

"True courage is doing what you want and blaming someone else."

"Change is inevitable, which is why I refuse to accept it."

"Learning is for people who don't already know everything."

"The pursuit of truth? More like the pursuit of whatever works."

"Freedom is doing what I want, not what you want me to do."

"Peace of mind comes from never thinking about anything too hard."

"Nature is nice to look at on TV while staying inside."

"Art is subjective, which means my opinion is the right one."

"Scientists are just smart people guessing with authority."

"Good music is whatever I say is good, and I have excellent taste."