Milhouse Van Houten

"Power would change everything for me."

"Money can't buy me love, but I'd try."

"Health is wealth, or so goes the saying."

"Adventure beats sitting home alone."

"Imagination is more real than reality."

"Technology connects me to people who ignore me."

"History shows losers existed way before me."

"Philosophy: existential dread for children."

"Literature saved my life more than once."

"I'm gonna be popular, I just know it. Any day now, things are gonna change for me."

"Ay caramba! Wait, that's not my line."

"Everything I do is stupid and it never works out. And then I die."

"That's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And I've been shot!"

"Lisa's a girl, so I can't like her. Wait, I like her."

"I'm never gonna have a romantic moment ever again."

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you feel the warmth."

"Sometimes the only way to deal with fear is to face it head-on... or run away screaming."

"I've learned that money can't buy happiness, but it can buy Squishees, which is basically the same thing."

"Knowledge is power, but I'd rather have a slurpee."

"The truth is, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time."

"I'm not a bad person, I'm just... persistently unfortunate."

"Success is like a girl—it doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Every day is a new opportunity to be disappointed."

"I want to be remembered for something, anything, really."

"Time moves too fast. One minute you're a kid, the next you're getting rejected."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and apparently the beholder isn't looking at me."

"Work is what you do so you don't have to think about your problems."

"I have big dreams. They never come true, but I have them."

"Patience is a virtue I don't possess."

"Be kind to people, because you never know when you might need them... or when they might reject you."