Milhouse Van Houten

"Peace comes to those who stop caring. I care too much about not being cared for."

"Nature is beautiful when you're not being chased through it."

"Art is expression, and I express myself by being a loser."

"Science is cool, but I'm not cool, so there's a conflict."

"Music makes the world go round, but my world spins backward."

"Faith is believing in something you can't see. Like my self-esteem."

"Leadership is about inspiring others. I just inspire pity."

"Work is how you spend most of your life not living."

"Dreams are what happen when you sleep, unlike my life."

"Humor is a coping mechanism. I cope a lot."

"Beauty standards exist to make sure I'll never meet them."

"Death is the only thing that sounds better than another day of this."

"Perseverance is trying even though you keep failing. I'm an expert."

"Gratitude is hard when you have nothing to be grateful for... except I'm alive, I guess."

"Creativity comes from pain, and I'm very creative."

"Justice is blind, which explains why no one sees me."

"Patience is a virtue. I am not virtuous."

"Kindness is free, but rejection is expensive and I pay often."

"Strength doesn't come from muscles; it comes from not crying every day. I'm working on it."

"Fear is the mind killer, but my mind is already dead."

"Power corrupts, but I have no power, so I'm pure by default."

"Money can't buy love, but it can buy things to make you forget about love."

"Health is wealth, and I'm bankrupt on both counts."

"Adventure awaits those brave enough to seek it. I'll stay home."

"Imagination is unlimited, unlike my actual possibilities."

"Technology changes fast, but my problems stay the same."

"History repeats itself, and so do my failures."

"Philosophy teaches us about existence, which in my case is suffering."

"Literature lets you live other lives. Lives better than mine."

"Politics and dating have one thing in common—I don't understand either."