Mort Goldman

"I'm not a doctor, but I play one in my imagination."

"Life is like a box of chocolates, except I ate all of them and now I'm in debt."

"You know, relationships are all about communication... and by that I mean avoiding it."

"The key to happiness is lowering your expectations. Works every time."

"I've learned that money can't buy happiness, but it can buy things that make you forget you're unhappy."

"Family is the people who have to love you, whether they like it or not."

"Success is 10% inspiration and 90% not getting caught."

"True friendship means standing by someone even when they've made terrible life choices."

"Hope is what keeps us going when everything else has failed us."

"Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's being terrified and doing it anyway."

"Change is inevitable, kind of like bankruptcy and disappointment."

"Education is important, though it didn't help me much."

"Knowledge is power, but also depression when you know too much."

"Time flies when you're having fun, but crawls when you're waiting for your test results."

"The truth hurts, especially when you've been lying to yourself."

"Freedom means the ability to make your own mistakes."

"Peace is just the moment before someone ruins it."

"Nature is beautiful until you have to spend a day in it."

"Art is subjective, kind of like my medical opinions."

"Science explains everything except why I keep making the same mistakes."

"Music is the universal language of people who don't want to talk."

"Faith is believing in something without evidence... kind of like my medical degree."

"Leadership is telling people what to do and hoping they listen."

"Work is just something we do to avoid thinking about our problems."

"Dreams are just lies your brain tells you while you sleep."

"Humor is how we cope with the fact that everything is terrible."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it usually fades."

"Death is the only certainty in life, besides disappointment."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness with better PR."

"Gratitude is appreciating what you have before you lose it."