Mort Goldman

"Creativity is just rearranging things you've already stolen."

"Justice is whatever benefits me at that particular moment."

"Patience is a virtue I've never quite mastered."

"Kindness is doing nice things for people, usually for ulterior motives."

"Strength is getting back up after you've been knocked down several times."

"Fear is just your body's way of keeping you alive... or paranoid."

"Power corrupts, but lack of power is incredibly frustrating."

"Money won't make you happy, but neither will being broke."

"Health is a state of mind, and my mind says I'm dying."

"Adventure is just a fancy word for getting lost."

"Imagination is what separates humans from animals... and reality."

"Technology makes life easier, unless it's your doctor's computer."

"History repeats itself because nobody listens the first time."

"Philosophy is just sophisticated complaining about existence."

"Literature helps us understand the human condition through fiction."

"Politics is the art of getting people to vote against their own interests."

"War is hell, and so is peace apparently."

"Motivation is temporary, but obligation is forever."

"Inspiration strikes when you need it least."

"Relationships are like plants—they die if you don't water them, or even if you do."

"Solitude is nice until you realize you're alone with your thoughts."

"Love is grand until someone forgets to take out the garbage."

"Marriage is two people united in their ability to disappoint each other."

"Children are a blessing... and an expensive one at that."

"Wisdom comes from experience, usually painful experience."

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best is now... probably never."

"Success is relative, especially when you compare yourself to people doing worse."

"Failure is just success that hasn't been processed yet."

"Happiness is fleeting, like my attention span."

"Peace of mind costs extra."