Mort Sahl

"A country that spends more on military bands than on medical research is not a country that takes health seriously."

"I've been called a lot of names for this, but I don't regret saying the things I've said."

"Idealism is wonderful. It's also broke."

"They've finally come up with the perfect Republican: Bush. No vision and he's proud of it."

"In my house there are many guests, but only one toilet."

"Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom."

"The only reason we're conscious is because we have to be."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."

"Liberals spend money on things that don't work and expect different results."

"You know what they call a Republican with a brain? A contradiction in terms."

"The world is divided into two classes: those who believe the world is divided into two classes, and those who are smart enough not to."

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something."

"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is an accountant with a spreadsheet."

"Tradition is peer pressure from dead people."

"A happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life."

"I like to think of myself as a realist, but others would probably call me a pessimist with research."

"The greatest threat to freedom is apathy."

"I've been working in show business for forty years and I've never been this broke."

"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

"The only thing I know about the future is that it will surprise us."

"Every society gets the lunatics it deserves."

"Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

"The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced."

"I've never made a puppet that wasn't a politician."

"The truth is like a lion; you don't have to defend it."

"Hypocrisy is the tribute vice pays to virtue."

"I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one."

"A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now."

"The United States has never lost a war, but it doesn't know how to make peace."

"Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford on the installment plan."