Mort Sahl

"Every revolution has its counterrevolution, which is usually worse."

"The only way to avoid being miserable is to misunderstand constantly."

"I subscribe to the theory that bad things happen to good people because good people need the practice."

"Fear is the foundation of most government."

"You can tell a lot about a person by what they laugh at."

"The only thing I know for sure is that the more I know, the less I understand."

"Success is relative. The more success, the more relatives."

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad."

"Most people are not really interested in freedom, as long as they got enough."

"Technology is great until it stops working."

"I've been playing second fiddle my whole life, and I like it that way."

"The only sincere form of emotion in American life is advertising."

"You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether he is wise by his questions."

"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like it. Especially after they've gone to bed."

"Congress: bingo with billions of dollars."

"The future is now. The present was then."

"In a world gone mad, we appointed the maddest to lead us."

"Dying: it's the one thing you can't get out of by thinking about something else."

"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms."

"A Jew without Israel is like a man without a shadow. It might not be a beautiful thing, but it's definitely part of you."

"The liberal soul shall be made fat, but he that watereth shall be watered also himself, unless he invests in real estate."

"Satire is tragedy plus time."

"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it."

"You know what the trouble with capitalism is? It's run by capitalists."

"I'm not young enough to know everything anymore."

"If you don't fail, you're not even trying."

"The future is so yesterday."

"America is the best half-educated country in the world."

"I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never crooked enough."

"There must be something to acupuncture. You never see any sick porcupines."