Mort Sahl

"The news is what somebody doesn't want you to know; everything else is publicity."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."

"Progress is a beautiful word, but we're moving in circles."

"The only difference between a prophet and a fool is timing."

"If you tell the truth, at least you don't have to remember what you said."

"The American Dream is a good concept, but it's been outsourced."

"Comedy is like a battle—timing is everything."

"We've built a civilization where we value entertainment over education."

"Solitude is not loneliness; it's sanity."

"Relationships are like wars—we fight over things that don't matter."

"The greatest trick of modern society is making us complicit in our own oppression."

"If you're going to be ignorant, you might as well be enthusiastic about it."

"Inspiration is just desperation dressed up as optimism."

"The reason we have rules is because people can't be trusted to act ethically."

"Money doesn't make you happy, but the lack of it sure makes you unhappy."

"We spend our lives preparing for a future that never arrives."

"The only thing more dangerous than a fool is a fool with power."

"Courage is not the absence of fear; it's being terrified and doing it anyway."

"What we call progress is usually just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic."

"The problem with democracy is it gives voice to too many idiots."

"Every generation thinks they're right and their parents were wrong."

"Laughter is the only response to absurdity that isn't suicide."

"We live in a world where the truth is considered offensive."

"If you want to understand human nature, just watch politics."

"A conservative is someone who believes in reform. As long as it don't cost nothing."

"I've been reading about the early Christian martyrs. Lots of Republicans in those stories."

"Things are in the saddle, and ride mankind."

"Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little."

"The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow."

"Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen."