Mr. Burns

"The only thing more beautiful than money is having more money."

"I've seen a lot in my years, and it's all made me richer and meaner."

"Trust no one. Suspect everyone. Pay them less."

"Smithers, I'm feeling mortal today. Schedule my resurrection."

"The masses are happier not knowing what they're missing."

"Progress is measured in quarterly earnings reports."

"The environment? I prefer to call it a resource extraction opportunity."

"My heart is a stone. I had it appraised."

"Patience is for those without power."

"Courage is unnecessary when you have money and lawyers."

"Fear keeps the system running smoothly."

"I am the law around here. The real law is just a suggestion."

"The only debate is how much money I'm making."

"My greatest achievement is making others believe they need me."

"Retirement? That word has no meaning in my vocabulary."

"I would destroy the world for a single percentage point of growth."

"Human suffering is just the cost of doing business."

"When I die, my epitaph will simply read: 'He made a lot of money.'"

"The greatest invention since sliced bread is sliced bread's ability to make profit."

"I've got two words for the poor: 'not my problem.'"

"Smithers, if you ever betray me, I'll hunt you for sport."

"The only truth I recognize is the truth in my bank statements."