Mr. Burns

"Money can be exchanged for goods and services."

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

"Release the attack dogs! Oh wait, I already did."

"I'm a man of simple tastes. I enjoy the finer things: money, power, and more money."

"Socialism is the opiate of the masses."

"A good day is when nobody escapes my factory."

"I wish to be cremated as soon as possible, before anyone gets any ideas about resurrection."

"Love? That's what we call it when two people tolerate each other's existence for financial benefit."

"Dreams are for people who sleep. I stay awake counting money."

"Young love. How quaint. How utterly disposable."

"Ah, the weekend. A chance to catch up on work."

"Loneliness is just another word for freedom."

"I have a social conscience. I'll prove it by donating this penny to charity."

"Everything changes, Smithers. Everything decays. Even me."

"The strong will prevail, and the weak will perish. Such is nature."

"History is written by the victors, so I've hired a team of historians to declare my victory."

"Education is a waste of time for the poor. They'll never afford anything anyway."

"Knowledge is power, which is why I keep all of it to myself."

"Technology is wonderful as long as it makes me richer."

"Science! That's what we use to build better weapons."

"Music? The only symphony I enjoy is the sound of coins hitting my vault."

"Faith is a luxury the working class can afford."

"War is good for business. Peace is bad for business."

"Peace is for the weak. Conflict is for the strong."

"Patience is a virtue I can no longer afford."

"Courage is the ability to crush your enemies without hesitation."

"Fear is the best motivator. Fear of poverty, fear of unemployment, fear of me."

"Strength is measured in dollars and cents."

"Health is overrated. Wealth is all that matters."

"Adventure? I prefer the comfort of my office throne."