Mr. Burns

"My dreams are of a world where I own everything."

"Humor at someone else's expense is the only acceptable kind."

"Beauty is the sparkle off a freshly minted coin."

"Death is merely an inconvenience to be overcome through science."

"Perseverance is sticking with evil long enough to win."

"Gratitude? No. Rent checks? Yes."

"Creativity serves profit or it serves nothing."

"Justice is blind, deaf, and easily bribed."

"Patience? I've already been waiting. Now, action."

"Kindness is a sign you're losing the game."

"Strength is measured in dollars and deference."

"Fear is the greatest motivator money cannot buy."

"Power is the only currency that never depreciates."

"Money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys everything else."

"Release the hounds."

"Smithers, I'm feeling generous today. Give myself a raise."

"The two sweetest words in the English language: 'De-fault.'"

"I've decided to give myself a trophy. Smithers, fetch me my solid gold trophy case."

"Why must you hurt me so? All I ever wanted was your love and respect."

"A lifetime of working in the shadows has taken its toll."

"In my day, we didn't have fancy health codes. If there was mold, we'd just scrape it off and keep working."

"Capital punishment! That's an idea. Let's try that."

"Raise the rent! Evict the poor! Release the hounds!"

"Bah! Friendship is a sham invented by people who don't have money."

"I'm not a corrupt man. I merely make gratuitous payments to officials."

"The only reason I haven't fired you is your complete incompetence has proven invaluable."

"Smithers, I have an itch and I can't quite reach it. Scratch it with this back scratcher."

"A man who envies the achievements of others is a man who wastes his youth."

"The only art I appreciate is the art of making money."

"I didn't become the most powerful man in the world by being soft."