"Truth hurts, which is why I like it."
Truth
"Freedom is my trash can with the lid closed."
Freedom
"My trash can is a work of art because I say so."
Art
"Science can't explain why people keep bothering me."
Science
"The only music I want to hear is silence."
Music
"If faith is for believers, count me out."
Faith
"I lead by example: everyone should leave me alone."
Leadership
"My only job is being grouchy, and I'm overqualified."
Work
"I dream small: just a trash can and no visitors."
Dreams
"If you're not laughing at others' misfortune, you're not laughing right."
Humor
"Life ends, at least there's that to look forward to."
Death
"I persist in my grouchiness with great determination."
Perseverance
"I'm grateful for nothing, which keeps me realistic."
Gratitude
"My creative output is trash, literally."
Creativity
"True justice would be everyone minding their own business."
Justice
"I have the patience of a grouch, which is none."
Patience
"Kindness is just an elaborate trap."
Kindness
"My strength is my ability to resist everyone."
Strength
"The only thing I'm afraid of is a smile."
Fear
"Real power is saying no and meaning it."
Power
"Health is subjective. I'm the healthiest grouch alive."
Health
"Adventure is just trouble with a suitcase."
Adventure
"Imagination wastes energy better spent being grouchy."
Imagination
"Technology should have an off switch, and it should stay on off."
Technology
"History repeats itself because people never learn."
History
"Philosophy asks 'why?' I ask 'why bother?'"
Philosophy
"Books are fine as long as you read them alone."
Literature
"Politics is proof that people are impossible."
Politics
"War is bad, but peace and quiet would be worse because I'd hear better."
War
"Motivation is for people with terrible decisions to make."
Motivation