Oscar the Grouch

"Justice is when people finally leave me alone."

"Patience is something I don't have and won't be getting."

"Kindness is just weakness disguised as politeness."

"Strength is the ability to say no to everything and everyone."

"Fear? I'm not afraid of anything except happy people."

"Power is controlling your own trash can without interference."

"Health is overrated. Being grouchy is my diet."

"Adventure is when people bother you in new locations."

"Imagination just gets you in trouble."

"Technology is just another way for people to bother you."

"History is full of people, which is disappointing."

"Philosophy is thinking about why everything is terrible. I'm already ahead."

"Literature is better when no one discusses it with you."

"Politics? Everyone's wrong, but I'm right about that."

"War would be fine if it meant some peace and quiet afterwards."

"Motivation is something I actively work against."

"Inspiration is the enemy of my solitude."

"Relationships are just contracts to be annoyed forever."

"I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude."

"The only thing worse than a good day is sharing it with others."

"Love at first sight? More like annoyance at first sight."

"A good friend knows when to disappear."

"The worst part of success is that people notice you."

"Happiness is a choice, and I choose not to."

"Wisdom is learning to accept that everything stinks."

"Courage is not always roaring. Sometimes it's telling people to scram."

"Change is the only constant, and I resent it."

"Education won't make you happy, but it'll make you busy."

"The more you know, the more you have to complain about."

"Time flies when you're miserable."