Oscar the Grouch

"Why would I want to spend time with family?"

"Optimism is just pessimism you haven't lived through yet."

"The only thing worse than love is love with someone who cares."

"Success would be terrible for my personality."

"Failure is the only guarantee in life."

"Being brave means admitting you're terrified and doing it anyway. Nah."

"Everything changes and that's the worst part."

"Study hard? I'd rather be lazy."

"Knowledge is knowing you don't know anything worth knowing."

"Time flies when you're miserable and won't stop flying."

"The truth hurts. Good."

"Freedom is being left alone in your can."

"Peace is just silence nobody's interrupted yet."

"Nature is too natural for my taste."

"Art is when you make something everyone hates."

"Music is noise that's too organized."

"Science ruins perfectly good mysteries."

"I have faith in nothing and it's served me well."

"Leaders should lead by example: badly."

"Work is what you do when you're forced to."

"Dreams are expensive and I'm cheap."

"Humor is for people who can't be properly miserable."

"Beauty fades but trash endures forever."

"Death would be an upgrade from this."

"Keep going, even if it's in the wrong direction."

"Be grateful for what you have: nothing."

"Creativity is just structured daydreaming."

"Justice is when your enemies lose."

"Patience is for suckers."

"Kindness is overrated and overrated twice."