Oscar the Grouch

"Faith is believing in something you can't prove. Sounds like a waste of time."

"Leaders are just people trying to tell you what to do."

"Dreams are things you have when you're asleep and can't avoid them."

"Humor is the enemy of a good grouch."

"Death is just the ultimate bad day."

"Never give up, especially on being terrible."

"Gratitude is just politeness in disguise."

"Creativity is wasting time in an artistic way."

"Justice usually means the other guy loses."

"Patience is for people who have nothing better to do."

"Kindness is just weakness with good publicity."

"Fear keeps things interesting."

"Power is the ability to make people annoyed at you."

"Health is highly overrated."

"Adventure is going somewhere you don't want to be."

"Imagination is a waste of a perfectly good brain."

"Technology ruins the simplicity of being miserable."

"History is just a record of things going wrong."

"Philosophy is overthinking things you should just ignore."

"Literature would be better if nobody read it."

"Politics is the art of making everyone mad."

"War is what happens when people care about things."

"Motivation is what gets you into trouble."

"Inspiration is the last thing a grouch needs."

"Relationships ruin perfectly good solitude."

"I don't need anybody and that's the way I like it."

"Giddyap and get out of here!"

"This trash is worth more than all your happiness."

"Stop smiling at me. It's making me uncomfortable."

"The best part of sharing is when everyone leaves."