Oscar the Grouch

"If it's trash, it's treasure to me."

"The best day is one nobody expects anything from me."

"Being grouchy is my greatest achievement."

"Love is just attachment with extra disappointment."

"Wisdom comes from years of being annoyed."

"A good friend is one you never have to see."

"Family is people you can't escape from."

"Hope is the enemy of accepting reality."

"Scram! I'm trying to be miserable here."

"I love trash. It's beautiful, it's honest, it doesn't pretend to be anything else."

"Why does everyone always want to be happy? Misery is so much more interesting."

"Keep out! This is my can and I like it that way."

"The worst thing about friendship is having to spend time with friends."

"I've got a ten-foot pole and I'm not afraid to use it."

"Love is just friendship with unnecessary physical contact."

"Hard work? More like hard luck for everyone else."

"Change is the worst thing that ever happened to staying the same."

"The only good day is a bad day."

"Hope is just disappointment waiting to happen."

"I don't need luck. I've got grouchiness."

"Success is making everyone else as miserable as you are."

"Beauty is overrated. Ugliness has more character."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy better trash."

"Education is just a way to ruin a perfectly good grouch."

"Time is the worst invention ever made. It ruins everything."

"Knowledge is burden I never wanted to carry."

"Nature? Too many bugs and fresh air for my taste."

"Art is whatever makes people unhappy."

"Music would be perfect if nobody ever heard it."

"Science complicates things that were better left alone."