Pierce Hawthorne

"Faith is important, as long as it's in myself."

"Work is a four-letter word... wait, no it's not. But it should be."

"Dreams are wonderful, especially when they involve money."

"Humor is my defense mechanism against aging."

"Beauty fades, but money lasts forever... or at least my money."

"Death is just something that happens to other people."

"Perseverance is key, unless there's an easier way."

"Gratitude is nice, but I'd rather have cash."

"Creativity is for people without money."

"Justice is blind, which is lucky for most of us."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have time for."

"Kindness is great, unless someone doesn't deserve it."

"Strength comes from lifting heavy things, like briefcases full of money."

"Fear is just opportunity wearing uncomfortable clothing."

"Power is the ability to make others do what you want without asking."

"Money isn't everything, but it's a solid second."

"Health is wealth, but wealth is more fun."

"Adventure is great for young people with nothing to lose."

"Imagination is a young person's game, and I'm neither young nor interested."

"Technology changes so fast, I just let my assistant handle it."

"History is boring unless you're in it."

"Philosophy is nice for people who can't afford TV."

"Literature is something people pretend to like."

"Politics is the art of getting what you want without paying for it yourself."

"War is never the answer, especially when you could bribe your way out."

"Motivation comes from either fear or greed, I prefer the latter."

"Inspiration is a word people use when they don't want to admit it's money."

"Relationships require trust, which I have none of."

"Solitude is underrated when you're on a yacht."

"I'm not old, I'm just retro."