Pierce Hawthorne

"Literature is just someone else's imagination that you have to read."

"Politics is the art of stealing while smiling."

"War is diplomacy with worse consequences."

"Motivation is just fear wearing a motivational poster."

"Inspiration strikes like lightning—unpredictably and usually destructively."

"Solitude is just loneliness with better ambiance."

"I've never been wrong, I've just been premature with my opinions."

"The secret to life is pretending you know what you're doing."

"I don't need hope—I have spite and that's gotten me this far."

"I'm not racist, I'm just better than everyone."

"You can't just buy your way into friendship, but you can certainly try."

"Age is just a number, but it's usually a really high one for me."

"Success is 90% showing up, and 10% reminding people how much better you are than them."

"I've made a lot of money doing very little, which is the American dream."

"Leadership is about knowing when to delegate to someone younger and more athletic."

"Marriage is like a business partnership, except you actually have to talk to them."

"Wisdom comes with age, and I have plenty of both to spare."

"The key to happiness is surrounding yourself with people who owe you money."

"I don't believe in change. Mostly because it's small."

"Family is what you make it, preferably with money."

"Education is important, unless you have a trust fund."

"Courage is easy when you have nothing to lose but your dignity, which I lost long ago."

"Time is money, and I have plenty of both... well, one of them anyway."

"The truth is what I say it is, especially in court."

"Freedom is just another word for doing whatever you want without consequences."

"Peace comes to those who can afford private security."

"Nature is beautiful, but have you seen my golf course?"

"Art is whatever I say is art, preferably something I own."

"Science is fascinating, as long as it doesn't interfere with my lifestyle."

"Music is the soundtrack to my life, and I have an excellent soundtrack."