Professor Farnsworth

"I've decided to take a trip to the brain slug planet. It sounds educational."

"When I was your age, we didn't have fancy things like electricity. We had to rub sticks together."

"You young people don't understand the value of hard work."

"I'm 160 years old and I still don't have all the answers."

"Sometimes the greatest discoveries come from complete accidents."

"I've been meaning to get around to that."

"What a magnificent machine! Let's use it for something incredibly dangerous."

"I'm now 25% robot. Or is it 75%? I can't remember."

"Life's greatest joy is helping others... No wait, it's definitely watching sports."

"I've solved the universe's greatest mysteries through science."

"Young people today don't appreciate the simple things in life, like a good suicide booth."

"What's wrong with just making robot love? It's cleaner."

"I've forgotten more than you'll ever know. Mostly on purpose."

"The pursuit of profit is what drives innovation."

"I once invented a device that could do anything. Then I forgot how it worked."

"My greatest achievement is somehow still being alive."

"What do young people do for entertainment? Sit around and talk about their feelings?"

"I'm planning a party for my death. I want it to be memorable."

"Science and religion are not mutually exclusive. They're just both equally confusing."

"I've invested my entire fortune in a company that makes nothing."

"The key to friendship is finding someone who tolerates your behavior."

"I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"Nature is beautiful, but it keeps trying to kill me."

"Art is subjective, which means mine is definitely terrible."

"I don't trust anyone born after the year 2000."

"The future's so bright, I had to invent sunglasses."

"What's the most important thing in life? Probably not whatever you're doing."

"I've created so many inventions, I can't remember if I invented myself."

"Courage is what you feel right before you do something incredibly stupid."

"Change is inevitable. Which is why I refuse to change my clothes."