Ron Swanson

"Any government is a necessary evil."

"I will not be lectured by some man with a man bun."

"A wood planer is a very useful tool. I have three."

"I believe in mortality. It keeps you focused on what matters."

"Don't let anyone tell you what to do. Trust your instincts."

"I have a print shop and a woodshop. I'm very productive."

"Outdoor activities, like hunting and fishing, are essential to a meaningful life."

"I have nothing against the Internet. I simply don't understand it."

"I respect the written word above all things."

"If you want something, work for it. There are no shortcuts."

"I will go to my grave knowing I was right about many things."

"I've been divorced twice. It was completely my fault."

"My dog is the best thing in my life. He's a good boy."

"I don't understand modern music. It's all screaming."

"Parks are a government conspiracy to get people outside."

"I would never join a club that would have me as a member."

"I believe in the Constitution. It's a perfect document."

"Women should be treated with respect and honesty, even though I don't understand them."

"April is smart and pretty and fun. I'm lucky to have her."

"Ron Swanson's greatest fear is having no one to argue with."

"I have a second job. I'm a bootlegger."

"I would trade anything for a perfectly aged scotch and a beautiful woman."

"Government workers should make minimum wage, work 20 hours a week, and be fired if they show up on Fridays."

"I'm moving to a house in the woods with a small porch. I will die happy."

"Faith is important, but not as important as logic."

"I've never been in love with a woman who understood me."

"I'm going to start a private police force to protect my property."

"Beauty is overrated. Functionality is what matters."

"I have never backed down from a fight. I also have never been in a fight."

"My ideal woman is a professional hunter and a seamstress."