Stanley Hudson

"I've accepted that I'll never be happy, which is oddly liberating."

"The only constant in life is change. And I hate change."

"I learned everything I needed to know in first grade. Everything else was just noise."

"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

"The secret's out. I work at a paper company."

"I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too far, and work at a job for which I get paid too little. But thanks to that mysterious force, I get it all done."

"You only live once. Or twice if you're a cat."

"I have a crossword to do. Congratulations on your engagement."

"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."

"The worst thing about prison was the dementors."

"I don't care what they say about me. I just care what they say about me in front of my face."

"Love is a force more powerful than war."

"Some people can't believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first."

"I'm not the best at my job, but I'm better than most."

"Pretzels are the only food that have a day."

"I could never be friends with someone who didn't appreciate a good crossword puzzle."

"Family is everything. Even when you wish they weren't."

"The trick is not to think about it. You just do it."

"I don't have time for people's problems. I have my own."

"You know what? I'm done pretending to care about other people's feelings."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a boat you can take happiness out to."

"I like my job because I am good at what I do, and nobody can tell me I'm not."

"Change is inevitable. Resistance is futile. Complaining is optional but encouraged."

"The greatest achievement is being left alone to do your work."

"I think you're stupid. I don't say it to be mean, I say it because it's true."

"Patience is a virtue. One I don't have."

"Success is not about the destination, it's about not having to work with idiots."

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but at least I can admit them."

"Dreams are for people who sleep. I'm usually at work."

"The only thing worse than working is working with other people."