"I'm going to cry right now"
"You know my weaknesses: beautiful women and breakfast food"
"I have style, grace, and a level of class that most men only dream of"
"Pawnee is the greatest city in the world"
"I'm basically a superhero, but instead of powers I just have a really nice apartment"
Humor
"Why would anyone ever eat anything other than breakfast food?"
Philosophy
"I'm going to get you to admit how great I am"
Motivation
"That's what she said. Every time. I never get tired of that joke"
Humor
"I'm an expert in three major areas: business, romance, and friendship"
"This is my vision for the future of Pawnee"
Leadership
"I know it when I see it, and I see it constantly"
Beauty
"If I were a superhero, my name would be the Incredulous"
Imagination
"I love the sound of my own voice"
Humor
"You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with Cheese in Paris? Loyalty"
Wisdom
"I'm going to be a man of the people"
Politics
"My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty, I'm ready for romance"
Love
"I deserve this"
"Everything's going to be amazing. I'm awesome. Pawnee is awesome"
Hope
"I need to distance myself from this negativity"
Wisdom
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am"
Humor
"You are the most beautiful woman in the world"
Love
"I get winded doing the most basic tasks"
"I'm not above eating an entire chicken"
Humor
"I'm the hero of this story"
"Money can't buy you love, but it can buy you other things that are almost as good"
Money
"I've always wanted to be a dancer. Or a rock star. Or both"
Dreams
"I'm getting very emotional right now"
"That is the dumbest idea I've ever heard. How do we do it?"
Humor
"I'm sweating. Is it hot in here? I'm not usually this nervous"
"Friends are there for you no matter what"
Friendship