Tom Haverford

"Wisdom is knowing that you don't know anything. I know everything."

"Happiness is not a destination, it's a journey. A very expensive journey."

"Work hard, play harder, and always have a suit ready."

"The secret to life is treating every day like a photo shoot."

"Courage is not the absence of fear. It's looking good despite being terrified."

"Success tastes like aged scotch and smells like new money."

"Family is important because they have to like you no matter what."

"Time is money, and I'm very wealthy."

"The truth will set you free, but a good lie gets you to Cabo."

"Freedom is the ability to be yourself. I'm so free it's illegal."

"Education is learning new things. I prefer learning about myself."

"Knowledge is power. But looking like you have power is more important."

"The best things in life are free. Everything else, I'll put on my company card."

"Change is the only constant, except for my excellent taste."

"Hope springs eternal, unlike my hope of retiring before forty."

"Leadership is getting others to do what you want while thinking it's their idea."

"Motivation is what gets you started. Spite is what keeps you going."

"Dreams without action are just fantasies. Lucky for me, I have both."

"Beauty fades, but a good portfolio is forever."

"Friendship is like a plant. You have to water it and talk to it and pretend it's doing well."

"Humor is the best medicine, except I prefer actual medicine and humor together."

"Creativity is intelligence having fun. I'm having so much fun."

"Justice should be swift and should know my name."

"Kindness costs nothing, but accepting kindness requires knowing someone cares."

"Strength is not just physical. It's also the ability to commit to a brand."

"Perseverance is continuing even when you don't feel like it. I feel like it constantly."

"Gratitude is appreciating the small things. Like small donations to my campaign."

"The power of now is knowing that 'now' is the best time to invest in yourself."

"Money isn't everything, but it's in the top one."

"Health is important, but health insurance is complicated. I pay people to understand it."