Tom Haverford

"Adventure is where the best stories come from. I'm living in an adventure, constantly."

"Technology connects us all. Specifically, to my social media profiles."

"History will be kind to me because I'll write it myself."

"Philosophy answers life's big questions. My bank account answers all of mine."

"Music to my ears is the sound of opportunity knocking on my door."

"Faith is believing without seeing. I prefer seeing, believing, and then publicizing."

"War is never the answer, unless the question is 'how do I win?'"

"Inspiration is everywhere if you're open to it. I'm open to success."

"I'm not just a regular guy. I'm a guy who can see into the future and know what's going to be cool before it's cool."

"Treat yo' self. Not just once a year, but year-round, constantly, always."

"I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too far, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little."

"Success is 1% inspiration and 99% not dying. And also money."

"I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good."

"My biggest regret is that I haven't had more champagne."

"I want to be rich. I want to be respected. I want to be feared. And I want people to laugh at my jokes."

"Money is power. Power is power."

"I have the best job in the entire world. I travel the country. I stay in the nicest hotels. I eat at the most exclusive restaurants."

"Sometimes you just need to believe in yourself, even when no one else does."

"The key to a successful relationship is communication, trust, and understanding."

"I believe that anything is possible if you just put your mind to it."

"Entertainment 720 will change the world forever. Maybe not the world. But definitely Indianapolis."

"Everything I do is the best. I am the best."

"I've always wanted to invent something that changes people's lives, like the Shake Weight."

"Ben Wyatt is my best friend. But he's also my rival. We're competitors."

"Swanson's Law: Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

"I respect anyone who can dream big and isn't afraid to fail."

"You have to love what you do. Otherwise, what's the point?"

"I'm not a regular politician. I'm a fun politician."

"Nothing is more important than loyalty to your friends."

"I want to change the world, one party at a time."