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"Life's greatest lesson: always have a backup outfit in your office."

"Every problem has a solution, and I'm usually the problem and the solution."

"Solitude is overrated when you could be attending my events."

"Relationships require trust, communication, and my express written consent."

"Inspiration strikes when you least expect it, like my sudden policy changes."

"Motivation comes from within, but it helps if I'm supervising."

"War is never the answer, but neither is questioning the Dean."

"Politics is about compromise, compromise, and more compromise with me making the final call."

"Literature opens doors to new worlds, unlike my office which mostly stays locked."

"Philosophy teaches us to question everything except my decisions."

"History is written by those with the best archival systems."

"Technology is the future, and I'm barely keeping up with it."

"Imagination is wonderful, but paperwork is more important."

"Adventure awaits those brave enough to sign the proper waivers."

"Health is wealth, and both require proper documentation and my signature."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a nicer office for the Dean."

"Power corrupts, but it also looks fantastic with the right accessories."

"Fear is just an opportunity to wear your best suit and fake confidence."

"Strength comes from within, and within this institution."

"Kindness costs nothing, but it's not nearly as effective as authority."

"Patience is a virtue I practice daily, usually when dealing with faculty."

"Justice must be swift and wear a school-sanctioned blazer."

"Creativity flourishes when people have proper institutional support. You're welcome."

"Gratitude is important. You should all be grateful I exist."

"Perseverance is admirable, especially when persevering in my direction."

"Death and taxes are inevitable, but neither are as mandatory as my approval."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but good fashion sense is universal."

"Humor is the best medicine, except when it's directed at me."

"Dreams are wonderful, but have you considered a degree plan?"

"Work hard, play hard, and always CC the Dean on important emails."