It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

"I'm not locked in here with you, you're locked in here with me!"

"The D.E.N.N.I.S. System never fails."

"I will be your new best friend, and you will love me."

"Every fiber of my being is screaming for me to stop complying."

"I am a man who controls his own destiny."

"We're gonna get this guy back on drugs so he'll be fun again."

"I want to live! I want to love! I want to eat a lot of cheese!"

"The Golden God does not look favorably upon your insolence."

"I don't know what we're yelling about!"

"We are lawyers, goddamnit."

"I'm a full-on rapist, dude."

"Nobody look at me! NOBODY LOOK AT ME!"

"I've been cultivating mass."

"I'm not a serial killer, I'm a man of science."

"There is no Mac, there is only Zuul."

"I need to be around people, and I'm very complicated."

"You gotta help me, I'm in a glass case of emotion!"

"I am a nightman."

"The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses."

"When I'm dead, inside or out, that's when you'll know I'm gone."

"I'm not gonna be ignored, Dan."

"You know what it is, bitch? A system of pipes."

"I am a five-star man, and I deserve a five-star woman."

"I'm going to make it on my own."

"Why is being nice so hard for you?"

"I'm actually really talented, okay?"

"You're all going to miss me when I'm gone."

"I have value as a human being."

"Stop blaming me for your problems."

"I deserve happiness, and I'm going to find it."