SpongeBob SquarePants

"Family is just a group of people you're stuck with."

"SpongeBob's friendship is like an unwanted disease."

"Success would taste sweeter if others weren't succeeding."

"If I'm not happy, nobody should be happy."

"Wisdom is recognizing that nothing matters anyway."

"Love is just a chemical reaction in the brain, and I'm immune."

"Why must I share my air with so many inferior beings?"

"My clarinet understands me better than any person ever could."

"Death might actually be an improvement over this existence."

"Fear is the only honest emotion."

"Strength comes from not needing anyone."

"Kindness is weakness masquerading as virtue."

"Justice is whatever benefits me personally."

"Gratitude is what people express when they have no other choice."

"Perseverance is just stubbornness dressed up nicely."

"I prefer the company of my own thoughts to anyone else."

"Relationships are nothing but compromises and disappointments."

"Inspiration is fleeting; despair is eternal."

"War is just another form of human stupidity."

"Politics is a waste of time for those with actual talent."

"Literature separates the cultured from the common."

"Philosophy is just overthinking the obvious."

"History is full of people who were never appreciated in their time."

"Technology is ruining the world, one invention at a time."

"Imagination is for people with boring lives."

"Adventure is just danger with a positive spin."

"Health means nothing without peace and quiet."

"Money can't buy happiness, but it could buy me a way out of here."

"Power is wasted on the undeserving."

"Work would be tolerable without my coworkers."