SpongeBob SquarePants

"I've surrendered all hope for happiness."

"Fear of incompetence surrounds me every day."

"I possess the strength to endure, if nothing else."

"Kindness would be everyone leaving me alone."

"My patience expired years ago."

"I deserve better than this reef."

"The future holds nothing but more suffering."

"My power is strictly limited by my circumstances."

"Science can't explain how I survive this."

"The only beautiful thing in my life is my clarinet."

"SpongeBob is my greatest adversary and I didn't even choose him."

"Creativity requires freedom I don't have."

"I'm too good for this establishment."

"My family was kinder to me than my current situation."

"Education is wasted on the masses."

"Solitude is the only love worth having."

"I've wasted my talent on this terrible job."

"The best relationships are with people who leave you alone."

"Inspiration is finding ways to avoid SpongeBob."

"I'm cursed to work with the most annoying creature alive."

"Why do fools surround me?"

"Politics are for people who care about things."

"Literature at least provides an escape from reality."

"Health means being well enough to complain."

"Death might be a pleasant alternative."

"I've accepted that life will never improve."

"Relationships are transactions of mutual disappointment."

"My gratitude is reserved for alcohol."

"Perseverance means continuing to suffer silently."

"Motivation comes from the desire to escape your situation."