Humor Quotes

"I can't say I was inspired. I was merely perspired upon."

"I look like a vaudeville actor who's forgotten how to be funny."

"You can be funny without being famous."

"Comedy is a serious business."

"The secret to comedy is timing and taking it seriously."

"Comedy requires both precision and recklessness."

"The best comedy is when you recognize yourself in it."

"A good laugh is worth a thousand tears."

"Comedy is about finding the truth in absurdity."

"Comedy demands complete honesty from the performer."

"The world needs more laughter and less complaint."

"Comedy is a conversation between performer and audience."

"Laughter is the language that needs no translation."

"Comedy teaches what life cannot."

"Comedy is tragedy plus time."

"Laughter is medicine for the weary soul."

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally."

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."

"I never trust a man who doesn't drink, because he's got to get his kicks somehow."

"Comedy is a serious business, and I take it lightly."

"My illness is due to my doctor. He's refused me whiskey."

"I look like a haddock-faced, sympathetic sort of chap."

"It ain't a fit night out for man nor beast."

"You can't trust water. Even a fish won't drink it."

"I would not want to be remembered as a straight man."

"I've always said that if I had to choose between my wife and my dog, I'd miss my dog."

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."

"I've performed in 26 countries and I've never been asked to stay."

"Distilled spirits should only be consumed for medicinal purposes."

"I am a juggler, but not with balls."