Humor Quotes

"Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another in case it doesn't rain."

"It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws along the way."

"I only have eyes for you, and occasionally for the waiter."

"A woman who takes her husband about face is following the Biblical injunction."

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."

"I never said most of the things I said."

"Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution."

"I've been in more laps than a napkin."

"To err is human, but it feels divine."

"Why should I marry and only have one argument a day?"

"I'm a modest woman, except when I'm being immodest."

"A woman who doesn't like flattery will take it anyway."

"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere."

"Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted."

"A woman's place is in the house, preferably a big one."

"I'm not a gold digger, I'm a gold miner."

"I've always thought that it was funny when people tell you to be yourself."

"A woman should be a cook in the kitchen and a tigress in the bedroom."

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend because they don't require maintenance."

"Humor is a sign of psychological health."

"I'm a two-hundred-pound canary."

"Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into."

"I have nothing to say, and I'm going to say it now."

"We're in a fine kettle of fish now."

"Humor is the best cure for a heavy heart."

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water."

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."

"Anything for a laugh. That's my philosophy."