Humor Quotes

"Humor is the antidote to despair."

"People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people are also forced to endure the same thing."

"If God had intended for us to fly, He would have given us tickets."

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

"Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned."

"Children rarely misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said."

"Society is held together by gossip and duct tape in equal measure."

"To live without humor is to live without hope."

"Four hoagies, two large fries, and a chocolate shake."

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night."

"Money can't buy you love, but it can buy you a jet ski. Ever seen a miserable person on a jet ski?"

"Knowledge is power, and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil."

"The best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, but to post the wrong answer."

"Divorce is expensive because it's worth it."

"Childhood is a disease from which everyone recovers."

"Anybody who says money can't buy happiness never paid an electric bill by candlelight."

"A laugh is a sign of faith in life."

"The one who sees emptiness and laughs has found the key."

"Humor is the ability to laugh at what frightens you."

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two souls."

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."

"The most wasted day of all is that on which one has not laughed."

"If you are no fun, you will not be re-elected."

"If your parents didn't have any children, you probably won't either."

"The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time."

"If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before."

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do."

"If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me."

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it hasn't tried to contact us."

"Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion."