Humor Quotes

"I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back"

"Nothing's impossible if you don't have to do it yourself"

"I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day"

"The world is full of people who have never read a book in their lives and they're perfectly happy"

"The only time to eat diet food is while waiting for the steak to cook"

"I drink to forget, but I forget to drink"

"A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished"

"I've got nothing to declare except my genius and my debts"

"I never met a man I didn't want to fight just a little bit"

"Humor is the best medicine for troubled times."

"Humor lifts us up when we're down."

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

"If you can laugh at yourself, you'll never run out of material."

"I like my martinis dry and my wit sharp."

"Never underestimate the power of a good laugh and better company."

"Never lose your sense of humor—it's your best defense."

"I'm not sure what the drawing board was, but I've always wanted to go back to it."

"Every man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink."

"The reason the rest of the world takes so long is because they're waiting for me."

"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to cook."

"I'm growing old but never growing up."

"I'll be back to you before you finish your drink."

"Humor is the best medicine for the soul."

"I believe that humor is a weapon against despair."

"Humor can be a shield, but it can also be a sword for truth."

"I laugh at life's absurdities because crying becomes exhausting."

"Humor helps us endure life's difficulties."

"Humor is medicine for the weary."

"Laughter is a revolutionary act when the world expects you to stay silent."