Humor Quotes

"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades and I still haven't reached my goal."

"I always wake up to the sound of my alarm clock."

"The Walrus was Paul"

"You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself."

"Youth is a wonderful thing to waste on the young."

"I've been imitated so well, I've heard people copy my mistakes."

"Laughter is the best medicine for the weary soul."

"Humor is humanity's greatest invention."

"When you think about it, there's nothing weird about eating fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches."

"I have no use for bodyguards, but I have very specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants."

"Keep smiling - it takes only 13 muscles, a frown takes 64."

"I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine."

"The nice thing about doing a crossword is you feel like you accomplished something"

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."

"Laughter is the best medicine."

"I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."

"There's a fine line between support and stalking."

"I'm just as corny as Kansas in August."

"I think humor is the best way to handle the absurdity of existence."

"The experience doesn't seem like that much fun, to sit around and play with instruments."

"Humor is medicine for the soul"

"Humor helps us survive our darkest moments"

"Laughter and joy are essential to the human experience."

"Humor helps us survive the darker aspects of existence."

"I've never made a wrong note. I just played them differently than intended."

"Humor heals what seriousness cannot touch."

"There's nobody who doesn't like Duke Ellington."

"Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese."

"I've always believed that God blessed us with two ends for a reason."

"Humor is the best weapon against despair."