Humor Quotes

"I find the world rather amusing."

"My main regret in life is that I never got to beat up more Nazis."

"I'm not afraid of hard work; I can watch other people do it for hours."

"I am the master of my fate, except on Mondays."

"I'm suspicious of any man who doesn't laugh."

"The beauty of Irish storytelling lies in its ability to find humor in hardship."

"The Irish have always understood that laughter is a form of survival."

"Humor became my way of refusing to let darkness have the final word."

"Humor is the spice of life."

"Humor helps us survive the unsurvivable."

"In Ireland, we have a saying: 'A man who doesn't laugh is a man who doesn't live.'"

"I learned to laugh at myself before others could laugh at me."

"Humor is the salt that makes life bearable; without it, we would perish from despair."

"Shopping is the only thing I really enjoy anymore."

"Humor is the distance between what we expect and what actually happens."

"There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary."

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."

"You're a queer fella. That's the nicest compliment I could give."

"I was made in China."

"There's no place like home, except the pub."

"I have a left hand that does what it wants."

"Never throw stones at your mother—use bread."

"I respect the military. I'm just not sure they know how to have fun."

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

"I drink to forget, but it doesn't work."

"In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs."

"The problem with the world is too many people growing up."

"I never liked the English, even as a child."

"I never saw a situation that couldn't be made worse by the presence of a policeman."

"Drink is the curse of the working classes and the blessing of the Irish."