Humor Quotes

"It is often the case that the cock crows loudest when least certain about anything."

"Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."

"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to zip up your trousers, and then you forget to unzip your trousers."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

"I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time."

"The more I know about people, the more I like my dog."

"Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education."

"The old man didn't believe in germs, and he lived to be eighty-something."

"Watermelon rinds must contain some of the same properties found in water."

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

"I have never read any of the political economies, nor did the colonel ever mention them."

"I never write metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city."

"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow."

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity."

"There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke."

"The world is so sad and solemn that I thought it would be better to write something cheerful."

"Humor is a weapon against the absurdity of existence."

"Humor is the mask we wear to hide our despair."

"Humor is the spice of life."

"Humor heals the wounded heart."

"A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table than when his wife talks Greek."

"The pleasure of critics is in the hunt, not in the kill."

"The rare privilege of the dead is that they need not listen to advice."

"Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right."

"The public has neither shame nor gratitude."

"Humor is the most honest response to the absurdity of existence."

"The secret source of humor is sorrow; there is no humor without pain"

"Humor is the refuge of those who refuse to surrender to despair"

"Humor is the tragic truth told slant."

"Laughter is the best remedy for a troubled spirit."