Humor Quotes

"The wonderful thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from."

"I've learned that machines are infinitely patient and infinitely stupid."

"The humor in nature's complexity is matched only by its elegance."

"No, I'm not interested in developing a powerful brain. All I'm after is just a mediocre brain, something like the President of the American Telephone and Telegraph Company."

"Do machines make mistakes? Absolutely, if you ask them the wrong questions."

"The telephone was an accident. I was trying to improve the telegraph."

"Humor often masks our anxiety about environmental futures."

"Humor about environmental concerns can hide serious responsibility."

"Humor helps us see the lighter side of life."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity."

"I have to admit that the palaver about men of science is pretty rich."

"We are not interested in the fact that the brain has the consistency of cold porridge."

"I am unable to understand how anyone of ordinary intelligence could suppose that the theory might be true."

"Happiness for me is largely a matter of digestion."

"I have always been afraid of banks. They give me the creeps."

"The telephone may be of some use, but I do not see how it can ever replace the telegraph."

"What this world needs is more geniuses with humility. There are so few of us left."

"Humor is a tool to defuse tension and reveal unexpected truths."

"I remember my friend Johnny von Neumann used to say, 'With four parameters I can fit an elephant, and with five I can make him wiggle his trunk.'"

"Great minds think alike, but small minds think differently—they go their own way."

"An empty stomach is not a good political advisor."

"There are some things so serious that you can only joke about them."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

"One should not work on semiconductors, that is a filthy mess; who knows whether they really exist."

"You can't do better than that. You can't say that."

"God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; by quantum theory on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays; and He is still deciding about Sunday."

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."

"We should not work on semiconductors, that is a filthy mess; who knows whether they really exist."

"A mind that is too serious becomes brittle and cracks."

"If I could remember the names of all these particles, I would have been a botanist."