Relationships Quotes

"My wife told me I never compliment her. I said, 'That's not true. I complimented your cooking once.' She said, 'When?' I said, 'I told you that poison tastes better on a full stomach.'"

"I told my wife I wanted to be myself. She said, 'That's the problem.'"

"I said to my wife, 'What are you mad about now?' She said, 'That tone.' I said, 'What tone?' She said, 'Exactly.'"

"My wife is so paranoid, she thinks I'm cheating. I said, 'With who?' She said, 'I don't know, that's what scares me.'"

"My wife is so stubborn, when she's wrong she's still right."

"I told my wife she was being irrational. She said, 'That's rational for what you've done.'"

"My wife told me I never make her feel special. I said, 'You're special alright.'"

"I said to my wife, 'What makes you think I'm cheating?' She said, 'Intuition.' I said, 'Good guess.'"

"I went to marriage counseling. The therapist said, 'What's the problem?' My wife said, 'He is.' I said, 'And she is.' The therapist said, 'I'm the problem now too.'"

"My wife is so critical, even my failures disappoint her."

"I went to my wife and said, 'I made a decision.' She said, 'Without me?' I said, 'Yeah, it was refreshing.' She said, 'You better un-make it.'"

"The key to marriage is honesty, patience, and trust."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"Never burn your bridges unless you know you'll never need to cross that river again."

"Women want men to be mysterious. It's not that hard—just don't tell them anything."

"The people we love are our greatest teachers."

"Relationships are like wars—we fight over things that don't matter."

"The opposite of talking is not listening—it's waiting."

"You know what I worry about? That there's someone thinking about me and I don't know it."

"The best relationships are built on trust, and trust is built on honesty."

"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"

"Two can live as cheaply as one, for about half as long."

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."

"Fang and I have an agreement - he doesn't go to the office with me, and I don't come home with him."

"Women want to hear what women have to say, and I've never understood why men don't listen better."

"The only reason people get dressed up is because they're going to see someone worth dressing for."

"The secret to a long marriage is remembering that you're in it together, not against each other."

"I've learned that enemies are often just friends you haven't fought with yet."

"The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent"

"Your wife always knows what you've been up to, even if she wasn't there"