Barney Gumble

"Woo-hoo!"

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"I'm gonna go back to the lab and study some... stuff."

"Barney's my name, drinking's my game."

"I'm not a bad guy, I just make bad decisions."

"You know, I used to be somebody. I had dreams once."

"Love is like a fine wine, it intoxicates you and makes you do stupid things."

"I've been to the depths of despair, and brother, it's not that bad."

"The key to a happy life is knowing when to stop thinking and start drinking."

"Friends are the best kind of people to drink with."

"I may be a bum, but I'm an honest bum."

"Success isn't about being rich, it's about being happy. Or drunk. Preferably both."

"Family is everything, even if they embarrass you constantly."

"Courage is what you need when you're about to do something really stupid."

"Change is good, unless it involves giving up alcohol."

"Knowledge is power, but beer is more fun."

"Time flies when you're having fun. Or blackouts. Can't tell the difference."

"The truth will set you free, but first it'll make you miserable."

"Freedom means never having to say you're sorry for being drunk."

"Peace is something I find at the bottom of a bottle."

"Nature is beautiful, especially when viewed through the window of a bar."

"Art is subjective, kind of like my relationship with sobriety."

"Science is great, but have they invented a hangover cure yet?"

"Music is the language of the soul, alcohol is the voice of the spirit."

"Faith is believing in something greater than yourself, like a full bottle."

"A true leader knows when to hold them and when to fold them."

"Work is just something that gets between me and happy hour."

"Dreams are just thoughts with better lighting."

"Why be serious when you can be hilarious?"

"Beauty fades, but a good buzz is forever."