Barney Gumble

"Life is about the journey, not the destination."

"I've hit rock bottom, and somehow I'm still digging."

"Nothing says success like a Bar Mitzvah!"

"I may not have much, but I have my pride. Just kidding, I sold that long ago."

"Family is everything, even when they drive you crazy."

"The secret to happiness is low expectations."

"I once had a beautiful woman, and I blew it."

"Art is subjective, kind of like my moral compass."

"I believe in second chances, third chances, and fourth chances."

"Work is just something that gets in the way of drinking."

"I've had many jobs, and I've quit them all with honor."

"The truth is, I'm a mess."

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."

"Peace of mind is overrated."

"Nature is beautiful, especially when you're drunk enough to appreciate it."

"Music soothes the soul, but beer soothes it better."

"I have faith that things will work out somehow."

"Leadership is a burden I never asked for."

"I've tried to be a leader, but I usually just end up in the ditch."

"Education is important, but so is having fun."

"History is just one long series of mistakes I can relate to."

"Philosophy is too much thinking for not enough drinking."

"I'm not a quitter, I'm just strategically pausing."

"Gratitude is feeling thankful, and I'm thankful for alcohol."

"Creativity is just making stuff up as you go along."

"Justice is served cold, like my beer."

"Patience is a virtue I don't have."

"Kindness is what the world needs, not that I'm kind."

"Strength comes from within, or from beer, one of the two."

"Fear is just another emotion I drink to forget."